Monologuing

April showers bring May Flowers.  It’s a silly phrase but it is very true.  April is the month where it rains a lot in this area, and I can’t complain.

The other night we had our first spring rain, and I stopped what I was doing just to sit on the porch, shielded from the the shower, and feel the rain drop on the ground and on the roads and on the cars and on the mailbox and on the everything else.

I can smell the spring right now.  It really wants to come out to play, but its mother won’t let it go outside just yet.

I find myself “in like” with a very unlikely character who has appeared in my life.  The thing is, there are a lot of things.

I think that Spring is sneaking up on me and wants me to have butterflies.

We shall see!

Hey you.  Long time no see.  I hear you’re in pain, recovering from some shit.  You are in my thoughts because I want you to have a speedy recovery.

But I don’t want to dream about you.

You’ve been in my dreams a lot lately, and I always seem to be hiding from you.  I think you were the only guy I ever felt a connection with who also gave me butterflies and made me smile endlessly.  My heart has obviously taken control of these dreams now.

So why am I hiding from you?

I need to put something else on my mind.

I have the feeling that ghosts are here in my house, but they only stop by when it’s snowing and cold outside.

Feel free to stay as long as you need to, ghosts!

When it snows, I feel like I’m in another world. Much like Narnia, but also very different. The red sky I see outside my window right now makes me feel like I’m a princess trapped in a tower on another planet.

At least it’s warm inside.

I had a dream last night where my college was a huge spiral staircased building with the cafeteria and lounge at the top floor. On my way there, I saw a box with little kittens inside and the sign taped onto the box read “FREE BABY MOUNTAIN LIONS”. I took one, but on the way to the cafeteria, I lost it.

It’s February of the year that I turn 21 years old.  My birthday is in October, so it’s far too early to be thinking about it, but I am living the twenty-first year of my life as I type this, and dammit I feel old.  I remember writing silly blog entries in my various websites hosted by everyone imaginable (sans Oprah and The Pope) and I started when I was 13 years old.  I didn’t think I was young back then, but I was young back then, and I would post about the dumbest things.  Remember when LiveJournal was invite only?  That’s when I first got a LiveJournal, and I would post about silly things that happened in my life.  I would write about how much I loved writing, and my writing back then sucked.

I mean, yeah my writing still sucks, but at least it’s much better than when I was 14 years old.

I can’t picture myself as a 40 year old.  I still feel like a 12 year old right now, like I’m still going through puberty.  I love all sorts of child-like things, and I’m glad I still do.  I would get made fun of for liking these things when I was 12 years old, but now I take pride in enjoying things like Nick Jr., and pet stores, and even playgrounds.  Maybe the fact that I still look like a 12 year old is part of the reason why I feel like like one.

I wish I was immortal.  I would love to be this age forever and see how the world ends.  I’d like to see how we would evolve, or even devolve.

I just can’t become old.  I know I’d be a great mother, even a great grandmother, but I love my life right now, and I love my age, and I am very grateful.  So what if I’m unlucky in some fields?  I am happy, and I would like to be happy forever.

Also, it would be really awesome if I had to save the world via adventure.   It would be even more awesome if I could control time.

Most of the time, I wish I had a TARDIS of my own. I would probably use it for time and space travel a little bit, since I’d like to see the dinosaurs and other planets.

But most of all, I want a TARDIS to control time. I want to bring my bed in there, and go to sleep for hours and hours and when I leave the TARDIS, it’ll be like time stood still.

Or maybe Narnia. Time stood still for the Pevensie kids, right?

I have had it with people.

I work retail, and I have been working retail since May.  I really don’t complain, because I like a good challenge, and the place I work at is a pretty intense obstacle course.  I think it pretty much ruins my life, since I have no time to do anything, but I like being away from the house for 9 hours a day.

But I have had it with people.

People need to learn how to read signs, ask questions, and stop with the attitudes.  I feel like I’m the only one who gives a damn anymore, even when I really don’t give a damn anymore.

Also, if it’s extremely crowded in the mall, and you’re just strolling along, and you stop to look at the imaginary butterfly floating above your head, and I’m behind you, you’d better fucking get the fuck out of my fucking way.

I wish to spend at least one day in isolation.  I don’t want to see anyone or speak to anyone.

I will sit here and read a book, which is what everyone else should be doing on a Saturday.

There is a cat who always comes into our backyard every time my mom puts out old leftover food for birds.  I don’t know whether it’s a girl or boy, but I always see it.

Today, I saw it eating some leftover rice that was sitting on an old shopping on the iced grass in our backyard.  I quickly grabbed my camera and took a picture.

I baked cookies last night around midnight, so I decided that I’d attempt to feed the cat myself.  When I opened the door, it stared at me for a few seconds, then went back to eating the food.  I threw a piece of the cookie at it, and it got scared and ran across the ice, slipping on its way to freedom.

Maybe I’m not animal friendly.