Wake up and move on

Or maybe he was?

Maybe he still is?

Well, we can safely say that he definitely was. At some point since I’ve known him, he definitely was. For a long time. And then a girl came along, who was not me, who most probably used her indie-hipster-hometown charms to win him. A mutual friend did tell me that a girl came back home for the holiday season and they were ‘hooking up.’ As hurt as I was, I believed it. But he kept his game on with me. And I obviously reciprocated.

This was last year. One year ago, during the holiday season.

Not until recently did his relationship status change to ‘in a relationship.’ I always knew, I guess. I’ve involuntarily seen pictures of her, pictures of the both of them. There was a night when I called him an asshole, and he said he knew he was and was sorry. He wanted to start over and be friends. I wanted to say this, but I only heard Jason Schwartzman’s character in Hotel Chevalier saying this to Natalie Portman’s character:

“I promise, I will never be your friend. No matter what. Ever.”

I don’t want to be your friend. I care for you so much that I simply cannot be a friend.

Letting go is hard. I’ve let go of you so many times, but you always exist. It’s that unconditional love. You have a piece of my heart, and as much as I hate you, I love you.

The more I think about it, it’s not me that there’s anything wrong with. It’s him.

Move on, kid.